As I listened to the radio I could not believe my ears, I can now use intelligence as a reason to drink. The news brief told me that research has shown that people that drink more as smarter than those that don’t. So here is the list of things that research has told me will make me smarter:
1. Exercise – Improved circulation, improved brain power. Makes sense.
2. Reading – More learnin, more intelligence. I am still on board
3. Coffee – Wide awake and thinkin’. As a coffee drinker I support this.
4. Sex – Whoa, really. I want to believe it, but I remain skeptical. (Costanza!!)
5. Alcohol – Okay so are they telling me that smart people drink or that drinking makes people smarter, either way I think they might want to check their methodology, or at least qualify their conclusions better.
6. No Spankin’s – The research actually states that people that are given firm boundaries are actually less intelligent because they have not been allowed to act and speak without restriction.
So to recap: Drink heavily, exercise, live with no boundaries, have lots of sex, and read whatever you can find.
On second thought, maybe intelligence itself needs to be put on trial, and maybe we need to evaluate why we are here.