It’s Just a Stupid Sandwich!


I wonder if you all have gone through the process that I have described below?  All I had to do the other day was find something to eat in order to get me from breakfast to dinner.  This led to what I like to refer to as the “Great Sandwich Negotiation.”

First I had to decide the place, that was not too difficult because I am cheap and I want to drive the shortest distance possible.  I chose Subway based on those two criterion (how’s that for a sophisticated palate).  Now that I am in the store there are so many things to over-think, I have a very deliberate system for determining which sandwich to purchase and consume.  First there was flavor; many people sadly will not list this as their first criterion, I refuse to make the first filter in my life “whether its good for me”.  The flavor piece narrowed my choices down to about five different subs.

Next filter, cost.  I refuse to pay for a “premium” sandwich at a premium price at a place that I can find at any strip mall between my house and my job.  The reason I am at Subway is because of cost and convenience, not because I am looking for an expensive sandwich that will still not taste as good as any local sandwich place.  If I wanted premium I would have went ANYWHERE ELSE but Subway.  So my first job is to see whether or not one of my favorite flavors is their $5 (5, 5$ , 5$ footlong, any, any, any…..) footlong.  Needless to say, it is not; that would have made my decision easy.  So now I have to decide if I am going to be able to survive on a 6″ because I am too cheap to pay the regular price for a footlong sandwich.  I am down to about three choices.

My next filter is dietary, which of these options is better for me.  Like I said I refuse to make this my first filter, sadly it is not my last.  At this point I am also deciding about bread options, and deciding whether or not I will go for the contrivance that they call “whole wheat”.  I could also go for the rubbery flat bread.  This is not intended, by the way, to be a critique of Subway; they just happen to be a very good example of my ability to overthink very simply things.  I am now down to two options, neither of which are the ideal deli sandwich that I would like, but they have made it through my grid.

My last filter is what I like to call the “Old Man” filter.  This is the filter that asks the question “will this give me heartburn?”  I remember when I was a 6 foot tall, 175 lbs kid that could eat all day and not worry about weight or heartburn.  Now in the midst of complaining about aching knees, “the way things used to be”, and trying to keep up with technology, I have to ask the question about whether this sandwich will sit well in my tummy.

One sandwich made it through the grid.  The sandwich I want is at the local deli down the street, the sandwich I am eating will be ultimately forgettable, but not regrettable.  My decision making ability has thwarted a good meal once again.



2 thoughts on “It’s Just a Stupid Sandwich!

Add yours

  1. I had to share this with Abby, because she loves Subway! On a side note, I am finding more and more that I have to make food choices based on “the old man” filter. It makes me sad.

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