Not an Ideal Dad

Image

I can honestly say that I never thought being a dad would be like this.  Either I have a very bad memory, or my parents did not allow me to see many of their frustrations, anxieties, and perplexities.  I never thought that I would hear stories of children putting a spoon down the back of their diaper and pulling out a spoon full of…. I never thought I would have to tell a child not to eat dirt.  I never thought that I would have to explain to a child why riding various objects down the stairs is a bad idea.  I never thought that I would have to clean spaghetti out of a diaper (and after awhile I just don’t want to know what method it arrived there).  I never thought that I would be so dependent on baby wipes.  I never realized that children will not normally ask the question “should I eat this?” before putting almost anything in their mouth.  I never realized that having a son meant having a person (or three in my case) that literally has no idea why they just did what they did.

I never realized I was such a cry baby when it comes to movies, books, commercials, about a father and a son’s relationship.  I never realized how much I would enjoy throwing a ball with my son.  I never realized the joy that I would have when one of my children helps another person without me prompting them.  I never realized how much funnier something is when it comes out of my children’s mouth.  I never realized how much I could laugh at something simply because it came out of one of my children’s mouth (Knock, Knock.  Who’s there?  Dad.  Dad Who? Go clean your room).  I never realized how much I would enjoy hearing my son telling me about his day, and being broken hearted when he doesn’t want to.  I never realized how much I could lose my temper with someone, or how much pride I could feel toward someone.

I felt the same sort of pressure when I was first married that I had to get this right, and that every decision I made would permanently shape the other person.  I know that I need to be purposeful about my relationship with my children, and that I should be guiding them toward manhood and womanhood.  I have also realized that I will (and have) screwed up a lot, and yet my children could still end up being a loving, caring, motivated, well-adjusted adult.  I struggle with that line sometimes, you know the line I am talking about.  The line between trying to be the perfect parent and offering yourself enough grace to realize that you aren’t.

Advertisements

One thought on “Not an Ideal Dad

  1. Beautiful. You sound like an amazing dad just because of your introspection about being a parent. Reading things like this makes me excited to have kids– your children are lucky to have you as a dad.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s