The Shop-Vac Toss


So I came home early today and thought to myself, I should clean out my fire place in anticipation of my parents coming to visit.  My parents and I have a fundamental disagreement on what constitutes “comfortable.”  With Asher (ironic) by my side cleaning out the ash and soot I decided that most of it was gone so I could put down the shovel and clean the rest with the shop-vac.  About 30 second’s went by before I noticed my ten year old, bottom of the line, shop-vac was spewing ash and soot all over my living room and dining room.

For those of you who think that I am talking about getting a little on the carpet, I wish that was the case.  I could not see half of the room because of the black soot.  By the time the ash had cleared my whole upstairs seemed to have a film on it, and much of the living room had what could only be described as a blanket.  It was at this point that I went outside, cleaned the shop vac, made sure it was working properly, then went back to start to clean up.  The shop-vac failed one more time.  That is when the pastor in me left and I walked out of the house and chucked the shop-vac about 20 yards (I measured later after I cooled off).

After about 2 hours of cleaning I went downstairs to where I had sent my children while my wife and I tried to tackle a colossal mess.  I explained to them that the mess upstairs was much more dire than they might realize and that I needed my boys (the three oldest) to keep and play with their little sister.  While I was explaining this I had a caesar salad in my hand that was prepared before this whole thing began.  When I was finished talking I asked them if they understood and my two year old daughter said “okay dad” as I had given her a role in this whole thing, and my 9 year old son said “can I finish your salad.”


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